Is Platonic friendship possible between opposite sexes?
Aug 3 2007 | Views 334 |
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Tags: friendship friendship day boy girl platonic frienship day special sulekha
Tags: friendship friendship day boy girl platonic frienship day special sulekha
Seeing the friendship day special at Sulekha, I got reminded of the various types of friends I have ever had (or have) – from the close friends of many years who know even the smallest detail in my life, to the friends with whom I have shared a lot of memorable experiences at some point in my life(like in school, college or office) but with whom there is only an occasional communication now due to geographical distances or just plain moving-on-in-life, to the frenimies (friends who have become enemies suddenly). And of all the friendships the most curious type would be the one between a man and a woman.
As someone who has had some good (and platonic) friends from the opposite sex, I would say, that yes, indeed, a platonic friendship is possible between opposite sexes, but ONLY under certain conditions. Well, there is a fine print warning at the bottom of any good product, so nothing in life comes easily! A fleeting friendship doesn’t have any hurdles, but any close friendship with the opposite sex need to be handled with care. I have collated some of the factors that I feel play a major role in the success/failure of a platonic friendship:
1. Different Expectations – A platonic friendship between a man and a woman will only work out if both expect the same thing from the relationship on the long run. If both the friends, at some point of time, realize that their friendship has crossed over the fine boundary to love, then there is nothing like it. There may be a rosy future with even matrimony and many many years of togetherness involved! But if one thinks “Well, we’ll start out as friends first, and have an open mind about taking the relationship to the next level” and the other thinks “We’ll always be friends, and friends only, and NOTHING else is possible” then this relationship is certainly courting trouble. Remember how heart broken Kajol was in Kuch Kuch Hota Hai? (And the Bollywood style happy ending hardly happens in reality!)
2. Honesty and Communication – Any relationship cannot survive without honesty, and it is a must in a Friendship spanning genders. Both need to be honest with each other, and if anyone feels differently at any point of time (like in the movies friends ‘suddenly’ realize they’re in love); they need to be honest about their feelings and communicate it. It will be a betrayal to both love and friendship to pretend otherwise. Needless to say, if the friend doesn’t feel the same way, a matured, mutually agreed split is better than trying to save a messy relationship.
3.
The ‘Chemistry’ factor – I honestly don’t know if there is any ‘platonic’ friendship possible with a person of the opposite sex whom one finds physically attractive. In this case, hormones are bound to take over at some point, so it’s better to stay clear of someone with whom you have a crush/or find them physically attractive! It can't be termed as 'pure' friendship when you find yourself 'looking' at your friend more than 'listening' to her/him.
4. Partner’s understanding – Close friendship between a man and a woman is only possible when the partner (spouse or girl/boyfriend) understands the relationship. Again, communication is the key, and the partner needs to be made aware of the nature of the relationship. Also openness and frankness to your partner about your friend (like recounting the interesting story you shared with your friend to your spouse, or involving your spouse too in any outings you plan with your friend, or totally avoid any outings and instead invite your friend home so that your spouse doesn’t have any reason to feel jealous or suspicious) will go a long way in building up a trust factor with your spouse. Of course, if the spouse is a jealous, possessive ‘green monster’ a la Onida devil, then there is no hope!
Assuming all these hurdles are crossed, a close (platonic) friend in the opposite sex is very special. Agreed, all friendships are special, but this one has its own sweetness. If you have a close friend in the opposite sex, it’ll give you a deep insight and understanding to dealing with the mysteries of the opposite sex with your own life partner. You won’t be left wondering “How can he sit on the couch and switch channels when I am trying to tell him what I feel now?” or “Why does she have to make a big deal about everything and break into tears at the drop of a hat?” A good friend on the ‘other side’ will give you such a good understanding about how their mind works, that you don’t need books like ‘Men are from Mars, women are from Venus’ to tell you why your wife seemingly repeats whatever she says or your husband seemingly doesn’t listen to anything you say!
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